Power Is Slippery in the Hands of Idiots: Power Dynamics Outside of TPE

Work spinning out of control left me feeling the need to take a break from this blog. I realised that was a mistake. We have already established that I like a good rant. So here's one. Power Without Responsibility Power dynamics are present in all relationships, forever shifting — even between vanilla couples. Striving for equal power is commonplace in such partnerships. Before we realise it, the only way to get on is to play to individual strengths and weaknesses. A couple may find it easier to navigate life as a unit when allowing this balance of power to flow organically. But power without training, power without consent, power without recognition of the humanity of those beneath it — that power is slippery. And in the hands of idiots, it's dangerous. I encounter this in the kink community, but I see it everywhere. Bosses who confuse authority with control. Partners who confuse desire with ownership. People who have been handed a small measure of power over others and immediately set about making that power felt in every possible way, regardless of the impact. A genuine Master/slave dynamic — one built beyond the realm of a mainstream wank fantasy — teaches a Master to respect those beneath them. A slave makes a choice to submit to total power exchange, devoting their lives to your every want, need, and whim. That choice is extraordinary. It demands extraordinary care in response. The Lesson The lesson I take from this is one of recognition. Recognition that those people within the spectrum of your power dynamic, wherever that may be, are all as necessary and vital as you. The slave who serves me is not beneath me in any meaningful hierarchical sense — they have placed themselves in a position of trust, and that trust is the most valuable thing I possess as a Dominant. To exploit that trust for ego. To use power for its own sake rather than in service of the dynamic. To confuse dominance with dominion — that's where things go wrong. I say I don't care about the scammers and manipulators who lurk in our community, yet I have invested a certain amount of energy letting them rile me up. It might seem futile posting a small rant blog into the ether. But it's not futile. Every time we talk about ethical practice, every time we name what bad power looks like, we make the community safer. We draw a line. Power Dynamics Outside of TPE This matters beyond full TPE dynamics, too. A casual D/s arrangement. A single scene. A dynamic between friends who switch. Any context in which one person holds power over another — however temporarily — requires that the person holding the power understands what they're doing with it. Power is a tool. Like any tool, it can build or it can destroy. The determining factor isn't the tool — it's the hands holding it. If you are a Dominant, in any capacity, at any level of intensity: you are responsible for the wellbeing of those who submit to you. Not just during the scene. Not just for the duration of the dynamic. You are responsible for how you handle someone who has trusted you enough to be vulnerable. That responsibility doesn't end when the scene does. Treat the people in your dynamic the same way you would want to be treated yourself: with respect. With honesty. With the recognition that their choice to be there is a gift — and gifts should never be taken for granted. Originally published at theethicaldom.com on December 20, 2021.